Why Western relationships so often fail unlike Islamic marriage

From one extreme to the other

Over the last few thousand years, the West has been made up of Europe and later the US and similar countries like Australia, with Christianity as the main religion. Since Christianity tends to be less clear when it comes to the exact rights of individuals, there have often been cases of women being oppressed. From not having personal property to a strong negative stigma against women in general.

“When a man takes a woman as his wife, he takes possession of all her property under his rightful guardianship.”
Sachsenspiegel, medieval legal text

“You are the gateway to the devil; you are the one who opened the forbidden tree; you are the first renegade of divine law; you are the one who persuaded him, whom the devil did not dare to attack...”
‍Tertullian (De Cultu Feminarum)

Passages such as these in important legal and Christian writings have led to a social tendency to patronize or oppress women excessively. In general, the division of roles between men and women that is part of a patriarchal order (men as leaders of the family) is entirely correct and important, as Islam also supports. However, this takes place within a healthy framework. For example, in Islam, a woman is allowed to have her own property and also to refuse marriage.

Men are entitled to a share of what their parents and close relatives leave behind, and women are entitled to a share of what their parents and close relatives leave behind—whether it is little or much. These are obligatory shares.
Quran, Surah An-Nisa - 7

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “A married woman should only be married after consulting her, and a virgin should only be married after her consent.” The people asked: “O Messenger of Allah (ﷺ)! How can we know her consent?” He said: “Her silence (indicates her consent).”
‍Sahih al-Bukhari (5136)

Clearly defined legal standards such as those found in Islam are lacking in many areas of Christianity. A so-called “guiding principle of charity” has changed socially from time to time, so that rules in Christianity have often historically sprung more from the spirit of the times and less from actual primary sources.

This also led to many thinkers and women's rights movements beginning to question oppressive conditions with the advent of the modern era, which, however, caused the social pendulum to swing to the other extreme (feminism). Today, a new social order has emerged in Western, Christian-influenced nations, which in some areas is the opposite of what it was then. Namely, legal advantages for women that oppress men and constitute injustice (unfair family law, inadequate separation of property). This reversal of the natural order of patriarchy, which had functioned for thousands of years, towards feminist societies has led directly to extreme destabilization of the family in the West and of relationships in general. Biologically speaking, women want a strong man who protects and guides them, but feminism preaches the “strong and independent woman.” This dissonance leads to psychological problems and dysfunctional relationships, where women almost take over the role of men or there is a constant struggle for leadership in the household. This results in unclear opposition instead of clear cooperation, where everyone knows their position in a relationship.

Hook-up culture & lack of commitment

In the Western world, sexual relationships without long-term commitment are glorified by the media and public events and presented as something normal. However, this ignores important basic functions of human nature, which is very harmful to both individuals and society. Because anyone who has sexual urges wants to reproduce (biologically speaking).

Modern inventions such as birth control and contraception clearly contradict this human nature. This creates a short circuit—instead of starting families, people remain at the first step, i.e., mating, but without results. This is one of the key reasons why birth rates are plummeting.

The bond between couples through intimacy has been scientifically proven. When hormones such as oxytocin are released during intimacy, people form emotional bonds. However, if this process is interrupted repeatedly because relationships are entered into without serious intentions, only to move on to the next relationship, then one becomes less capable of forming bonds. And the more often this process is repeated, the more your capacity for attachment may be permanently weakened. Since oxytocin is more pronounced in women, my personal theory is that the psychological damage of failed relationships has a greater impact on women.

The simple solution to difficult questions

Islam offers a lasting solution to all these problems. By entering into an intimate relationship in the form of Islamic marriage, which is a long-term agreement with the intention of lifelong commitment, one ensures that people have only one or, at most, a few partners (divorce, polygamy). This allows men and women to remain in a healthy and committed social environment. In addition, people marry with the intention of having children, which is in line with human nature. Severe penalties for extramarital relationships also serve as a deterrent against sin and set an example should a case arise.